Edie, I really like your use of fronted adverbials such as ‘As he started to wake up’, and ‘In the distance’. However, you always need to remember your comma after your adverbial, and to check your spellings. I also like your use of personification when you say ‘The wind was clapping in the breeze’. What do you think will happen next?
sude i loved your work but you could include diffrent word for he you forgot your commas after your fronted adverbials but i loved your fronted adverbials raver than that i loved your story.
Edie, I really like your use of fronted adverbials such as ‘As he started to wake up’, and ‘In the distance’. However, you always need to remember your comma after your adverbial, and to check your spellings. I also like your use of personification when you say ‘The wind was clapping in the breeze’. What do you think will happen next?
sude i loved your work but you could include diffrent word for he you forgot your commas after your fronted adverbials but i loved your fronted adverbials raver than that i loved your story.